I resisted coming here, to open the harbors that guard my heart (Jeremiah 23:24).
Abide with me, fast falls the even tide.
This darkness deepens, Lord with me abide.
And what does not flow freely from You?
Am I convicted of what I say?
Forgive me of this pride that knows Your redemption yet shamelessly walks away.
And now my life ebbs away.
Night pierces my bones, and these gnawing pains never rest.
And how I long for that day (when I will return to ashes and dust)(Job 30:17-19).
If my steps turn from the path, or if my heart has been led by my eyes, or if my hands have been defiled, then may others reap what I have sown (Job 31:7-8).
Better that I dwell in the house of the Lord who upholds all those who fall than reap this harvest of a life waged in the flesh.
And what do I gain but the exchange of the truth for a lie?
And a heart conditioned not to feel, callused by the nature of my pride?
And now my life ebbs away.
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“A lot of men want a woman to mother them. They get with a woman and all they do is regress to the point where you might think he might not be capable to take care of himself at all. I don’t want another mother. I want a woman. I want to rise to the occasion. I want to learn and bask in your glow. I want to protect you and do whatever I can to give you strength. There is no twist to this. I am not about to blow my brains out. You have not cut me up like others have. It’s just this. I want to love you with everything in me. I need your help because I don’t know anything about it. I am suspicious and ready to leave and hit the cold road for the frozen dawn. I am just going to trust you with everything in me. I see now that it’s the only reason to be here. After kissing you, I cannot remember what it was like to kiss any other woman. At this point I am not sure if I ever have.”
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I resisted coming here, to open the harbors that guard my heart (Jeremiah 23:24). Abide with me, fast falls the even tide. This darkness deepens, Lord with me abide. And what does not flow freely from You? Am I convicted of what I say? Forgive me of this pride that knows Your redemption yet shamelessly walks away. And now my life ebbs away. Night pierces my bones, and these gnawing pains never rest. And how I long for that day (when I will return to ashes and dust)(Job 30:17-19). If my steps turn from the path, or if my heart has been led by my eyes, or if my hands have been defiled, then may others reap what I have sown (Job 31:7-8). Better that I dwell in the house of the Lord who upholds all those who fall than reap this harvest of a life waged in the flesh. And what do I gain but the exchange of the truth for a lie? And a heart conditioned not to feel, callused by the nature of my pride? And now my life ebbs away.
